


Lie To Me

by JayseHasNoGrace



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Obsessive Sam Winchester, polyamorous Gabriel, set in s13, this is a very very unhealthy relationship - read at your own risk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:53:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24562684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JayseHasNoGrace/pseuds/JayseHasNoGrace
Summary: Sam finds himself drawn closer and closer to Gabriel since his reappearance. They're already dating, sure, but that doesn't feel likeenough. He feels he needs to bemore, becloser, to merge with him and become one.Gabriel had laid out clearly before they had started dating that he wasn't going to stop seeing other people, and that if that wasn't acceptable, then they couldn't date. And Sam hadagreed. He'd agreed and let Gabriel encourage him to find other partners as well, and yet he finds himself becoming increasingly jealous and clingy. Before he knows it, he's begun asking Gabriel again and again to lie to him — just for the moment — to tell him that Sam is the only one for him.A ficlet.
Relationships: Gabriel/Sam Winchester, background Gabriel/Rowena, background Gabriel/others, background Sam/Rowena - Relationship
Kudos: 9





	1. I Don't Care His Breath Is In Your Hair (I Need Whatever Side Of Love Is There)

**Author's Note:**

> I'd just like to reiterate that this is a _very_ unhealthy relationship, and does not claim to be otherwise.
> 
> And also that this _is_ set in season 13 and is canon compliant, so you know what's gonna happen to Gabe.  
> ____________________________________________
> 
> Chapter titles from various songs. In order:
> 
> 1) 'Send Him Away' by Franz Ferdinand  
> 2) 'Bathwater' by No Doubt  
> 3) 'Prostitution Is The World's Oldest Profession [And I, Dear Madame, Am A Professional]' by Cobra Starship  
> 4) 'Girl Crush' cover by Harry Styles  
> 5) 'The Blood Is Love' by Queens of the Stone Age  
> 6) 'Like Suicide' by Soundgarden

Sam casually pulled the sucker out of Gabriel's mouth, and Gabriel looked up at him questioningly. Sam popped it into his own mouth, avoiding his eyes.

"Gross," Dean muttered to himself, wrinkling his nose.

"You know I could just get you your own." Gabriel snapped up another to demonstrate, and offered it to Sam.

Sam shook his head vaguely, still avoiding his eyes, and Gabriel shrugged, unwrapping it for himself.

Hopefully Gabriel didn't think enough of it to bring it up later. That was all Sam could hope, with all the lectures it felt like he was getting from Gabriel lately.

He knew he probably deserved most of it, though.

Before — back before Gabriel had been supposedly killed by Lucifer at the Elysian Fields Hotel — he had already had some trouble with jealousy.

Gabriel would come back to him, smelling of someone else's cologne, and his heart would break a little. It had made him cling tighter. Sure Gabriel saw other people but he was with _Sam_ in that moment, and that was all he really needed. He'd kept it under control enough to slide by mostly unnoticed.

Now, though... Once Gabriel had come back and once he'd started talking again, and once they'd decided to pick up where they left off...well, _now_ , Sam wasn't so good at keeping it under wraps.

He found himself constantly touching Gabriel, clinging to him both physically and emotionally, and doing everything in his power to get closer to him. To feel him, taste him, to breathe his very essence in.

If that took the form of stealing the sweets from his tongue or taking his pillow or sharing a toothbrush, then so be it. Sam couldn't bring himself to care anymore.

But the sharing...the sharing was _unbearable_ now. Every time Gabriel found solace in somebody else's arms, rather than getting increasingly used to it, it somehow hurt Sam more _every time_.

And every time, he found himself begging Gabriel to lie to him, begging him to speak his greatest desires, to assure him that he was loved, and that he was the _only_ object of his affections.

He didn't know why Gabriel played along, despite his obvious hesitance. He knew he should stop. He knew that every time he gave in and begged Gabriel was one more time closer to when he would eventually get sick of it and put his foot down.

And yet, Sam couldn't seem to bring himself to stop.


	2. Love To Think That You Couldn't Love Another

The way Sam's heart plummeted when he, Dean, and Cas had walked into the library, and Rowena and Gabriel had stumbled out from behind the shelves was...surely not healthy. He felt kind of like he'd been stabbed in the chest. Just a little.

Sam wouldn't meet his eyes when Gabriel came up to his room afterward.

"Sammy, come _on_. You _knew_ this was gonna happen, I _warned_ you, and you _said_ it was fine! You can't keep acting like this every time this happens— like I've done something wrong—"

"I'm not acting like anything," Sam insisted. "It's fine, I knew, you didn't do anything wrong."

" _I_ know that, but I'm not sure _you_ do."

"It's _fine_ ," Sam repeated harshly.

Gabriel gave him a skeptical look, and they fell to silence.

"Please, just..." Sam quietly broke the silence. "Just tell me."

It wasn't more than a whisper, but Gabriel, being what he was, knew he wouldn't be able to get away with pretending not to hear.

"Sam..." he protested hesitantly. "I don't think this is such a good idea. It's not healthy."

"Since when have you cared about healthy? I don't care. Tell me, please."

"Sam..." The protest was halfhearted at best.

"Tell me you love me. That it's just me."

Gabriel took a deep breath, and adopted his most earnest face, staring into Sam's wide eyes.

"I love you, Sam — only you. I'll only ever want _you_."

"Tell me you want me forever, just me."

Gabriel's breath hitched. This whole thing had been a horrible idea from the beginning. It was at the point where it was hard to tell up from down. Was it worse to hurt him by breaking it all off, or by continuing this sick charade?

He stepped forward to wrap his arms around Sam, burying his face in Sam's chest.

"Just you. Forever. Just the two of us. Don't even want to look at anyone else."

"I love you."

Gabriel stopped himself from sighing again. This just screamed _wrong_ , and to be quite honest, he didn't know why he'd even gotten into it all in the first place.

"I love you," Gabriel parroted with heartbreaking earnestness, and Sam clutched him closer, breathing in deeply with what sounded like relief.

"Let's go to sleep, yeah?" Sam suggested, and Gabriel nodded, relinquishing his hold so Sam could crawl onto the bed.

Gabriel curled around him and closed his eyes. Poor kid. Anyone could tell he was beyond fucked up from a quick peek into his head, but oh boy the kid was an absolute wreck. A burning, multi-vehicle wreck.


	3. Go On, Believe If It Turns You On

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Dean demanded, as soon as Gabriel stepped in the door of the bunker.

He was stood right in front of the doorway with his arms crossed, and it looked as if he’d been there for quite some time, just waiting for Gabriel to come back to ambush him.

“Excuse me?” Gabriel bristled and his eyes flashed. He may not be at full power, but he could still slap Dean down like a fly if need be.

Dean didn’t back down, however, refusing to be intimidated by the archangel.

“I _know_ where you were, and I _know_ what you were doing. Care to explain?”

“No.” Gabriel rolled his eyes and tried to shoulder his way past Dean, but Dean held his arms out.

“Well too bad, because you’re going to!”

Gabriel stopped. “Why do you care what I do with my free time? I’m fucking helping you guys — I stayed! So can I not do what I want with the rest of my time? Am I not allowed to have fun now?”

“Not if it involves cheating on my brother!”

Gabriel scoffed. “Did he tell you that?”

“Why would I need to ask him? I _saw_ you leave to go fuck that bartender who slipped you their number last night! I _know_ what I saw!”

“I know how I spent my last few hours, thanks very much. I’m _asking_ if Sam told you that was _cheating?_ ”

“Like I _just_ said, why would I ask him?”

“So you just assumed.” Gabriel leaned closer to get in Dean’s face. “Don’t talk about shit you don’t know about. Sam knows.”

He went to push past Dean again, but once again Dean blocked his way.

“No he doesn’t! If he did you wouldn’t have been saying all that shit about promising it was only him! I heard you, after that shit you pulled with Rowena.”

“Stay _out_ of it, you nosey fool, and don’t fucking eavesdrop. Sam _knows_ , dammit! Okay? If you wanna know more ask your brother yourself. I didn’t fucking cheat on him! Not with Rowena, not today, and not any other fucking time. Now get out of my way, and stop threatening things more powerful than you before you learn what it’s like to die and actually _stay_ dead.”

He knocked into Dean much more forcefully than necessary as he went around him, but Dean let him go.

Gabriel slammed the door to one of the guest rooms, still muttering something about nosey bastards with a lack of self-preservation, and Dean sighed. He guessed he was going to have to go talk to Sam now, then.

He marched up the stairs and barged into Sam's room without knocking.

“Gabriel just fucked the bartender from last night,” Dean said flatly, crossing his arms.

Sam shut his eyes and took a deep breath, setting his face. 

“Thanks,” he said, bitterly sarcastic, finally looking up at Dean. “Maybe...knock next time, you know, announce yourself? And maybe also... _don’t_ tell me things like that?”

“I thought you should know, you know, that your boyfriend’s cheating on you?”

Sam looked away. “He’s not cheating. And I don’t want to know.”

“Why? And why do you look like your puppy just got run over then?”  
  
“Because I don’t like it, okay? I know about it, I accept it, I still fucking hate it though!”

“So why do you let him do it then?” Dean exclaimed. “And why do you let him tell you that it’s just you and all that shit?”

“Great. You eavesdrop too. Anything else you’ve been prying into that I should know about?”

“Just answer the damn questions, Sammy.”

“Fine.” Sam still refused to look at him. “Because he won’t fucking stay with me if I try to make him stop,” He laughed bitterly. “Is that what you want to hear? And because I make him — I make him say all that stuff. I _tell_ him to lie to me. Because I don’t want to fucking know, I don’t want to think about it, I just want to pretend it’s not happening! He told me point blank from the beginning that he wasn’t gonna be with me if I couldn’t accept that he was not going to be strictly faithful to just me. And I said it was okay, because you know what, I want it anyway.”

Dean was quiet for a moment. He shut the door, and came over to sit on Sam’s bed next to his feet.

“Sammy...this is really fucked up. Come on, you don’t deserve this.”

“Don’t I? Honestly I’m lucky I get this much, so I think I can handle the shitty parts that come with it.”

“Okay, okay, stop being a depressed fuck and look at the reality of this situation. You’re not happy!”

“This is why I didn’t tell you in the first place. I am, okay? I am. Just...not all the time — but it’s worth it for when I am. It’s fine, just please stay out of it and can we never talk about this again?”

Dean sighed. “I’m not happy about this, but...okay.”

He looked Sam over. “Are you...fine otherwise? Is everything okay?”

Sam nodded tersely, as he toyed with the pages of his book. “Just worried about Mom and Jack.”

“Yeah. Tomorrow, though. We’ll go get them tomorrow, and we’ll bring them back and it’ll be good. Everything will be good.”

“Yeah.” Sam agreed quietly. “Yeah.”


	4. I Wanna Taste Her Lips ('Cause They Taste Like You)

Sam's throat worked as he stared at the closed door after Dean left. 

He didn’t know why he even still felt guilty for lying after all this time, but he always did. Not that he _wasn’t_ worried about Mom and Jack, but...they weren’t what was keeping his mind up. And, great, thinking about that made him feel like an even shittier person, because that should definitely be the thing he’s more concerned about, rather than his fucking _boyfriend_. But, well, that was how it was.

And it was fine. He shouldn’t even be stressed about his boyfriend in the first place, it shouldn’t even _be_ a concern. He’d seen Gabriel leave, known what he was likely going out to do. He’d said it was okay. He wasn’t supposed to _want_ Gabriel not to.

Sam didn’t want to change him, really, he just...okay, so that wasn’t...he really wanted _not_ to want to change him. Gabriel was Gabriel. He was an archangel and a pagan god, the trickster of all tricksters, unfathomably old and powerful and huge in presence, and unbound by Sam’s particular society’s idea of fidelity. Really, Sam’s entire life was less than a blink in Gabriel’s existence.

He shouldn’t want that to be different. It wouldn’t be fair — and, more to the point, it wasn’t what Gabriel wanted. But fuck if it didn’t drive Sam a little insane.

Ordinarily, he didn’t like to think of himself as possessive, but he could admit that possessive is _exactly_ what he was with Gabriel. And he knew— he _knew_ it wasn’t good and it wasn’t really okay, but _god_ he felt like he could hardly help himself.

And he let Dean pity _him_ , as if he wasn’t the one making this relationship fucked up.

Sam got up abruptly, and stomped down the stairs, perhaps hard enough that he couldn’t _really_ play it off as accidental. Out of habit, he made his way toward the library.

No— fuck, not the library. That was where Gabriel had been with Rowena. 

He let out an angry breath and turned away from the doors. Goddammit.

But then…

He turned back slowly. Maybe...maybe it wouldn’t be painful, maybe it could be like sleeping with Gabriel’s pillow, like stealing candy right off of his tongue.

Sam pushed open one of the big doors and slipped inside.

He walked past the tables, and trailed his hands over the bookshelves as he headed to the corner where Gabriel and Rowena had been. His hand sat heavily on top of the shelf they’d crawled out from behind, staring at the floor where they must have sat.

He wondered what they’d looked like, if they’d lain back flat on the floor, tangled together.

The door creaked, and Sam looked up, meeting Rowena’s startled eyes.

“...Rowena,” Sam greeted, after a moment. “What are you doing here?”

“I thought I’d get a bit of a head start on the day, make sure I’m ready when the time comes.”

Sam walked toward her slowly, with an almost predatory intent. Looking at her, all he could see was which parts Gabriel had touched, tasted.

“Yeah? Any reason you might not be ready?”

“I don’t think so, I have plenty of time.” She kept her voice casual and even, but she looked Sam over with shrewd eyes.

He ran a hand lightly down her arm, where Gabriel’s hands had surely been not so long ago. “Sounds like you could spare some more, then...if you wanted.”

A corner of her mouth ticked up. “Why Sam, I didn’t know this was your style. Propositioning me right here in the library where anyone could see.”

“I’m sure there’s plenty you don’t know about my style,” he took a step even closer, their bodies almost touching. “I’m offering you a chance to find out.”

She shifted forward, pressing against him and tilted her face up to his. “Not that I’m not...amenable,” her eyes flicked down to his arms, where her hands stroked his biceps reverently. “But I thought you only had eyes for your archangel.”

“It’s an open relationship, if you hadn’t noticed,” he said smoothly. His face betrayed nothing.

“Well then, I guess we’re all clear.” She rose up onto her toes, and Sam kissed her hard.

It wasn’t long at all before he had her bent backward over a table as they kissed, pressing closer and closer.

He knew it was his imagination, but he thought he could almost taste Gabriel on her mouth. He kissed her deeper, and let his hands wander over her skin, searching, as if there would be some indication of where exactly Gabriel had touched her before.

Sam pulled back to give her space, as Rowena squirmed up to lie completely on the table, and he trailed his lips behind her ear under her hair, wondering if Gabriel’s lips had been there too. He wondered if it was possible to retrace every step, reclaim every molecule of Gabriel from her skin.

Her legs locked around his waist, and he returned to her mouth, probing every inch with his tongue as she ground up against him.

“Sam— Oh!”

Sam’s head snapped to the door as Gabriel started laughing.

“Gabriel,” Rowena greeted, not bothering to try and make herself presentable.

“Sorry, I’ll leave you two be,” he said, and Sam’s stomach clenched at how Gabriel sounded...pleased. “Unless you want company,” he wiggled his eyebrows. But he was clearly joking, and had already left before either of them could even respond.

Sam looked down at Rowena on the table and stepped back. The whole idea had soured in one second, and she seemed completely unappealing now.

She deflated. “Oh don’t tell me you're going to let that put you off?”

Sam just shook his head and turned away. “You should be preparing to open the gate. I need to catch a little sleep.”

He walked briskly out of the library without looking at her, but before the door closed he heard her hiss out, “Are you _kidding_ me?”

Gabriel was still climbing the stairs when Sam caught up, and he turned at the noise.

“Hope you didn’t stop on my account?” 

Sam clenched his jaw. “She needed to prepare for later, and I should try to at least get the one hour of sleep I can.”

Gabriel frowned, but let it go. “So, you and Rowena now, huh,” he asked, instead, wiggling his eyebrows. His honest grin hit Sam like a punch to the gut.

“Not really.”

Gabriel laughed. “Looked like it was going somewhere to me. Seriously though, I’m glad you’ve found someone else too. No need to be lonely, right?” He bumped Sam’s arm with his.

Sam swallowed guiltily. He couldn’t bring himself to tell Gabriel that he wasn’t really interested in her, that he had only wanted any ghost of Gabriel that he could siphon from her skin, not when Gabriel was _happy_ for him.

“Come help me sleep?”

Gabriel nodded and followed Sam to his bedroom. Things were getting increasingly shaky, but he was less worried about cuddling Sam tonight and encouraging him now.

He smiled to himself as he settled around Sam. 

Okay, things were looking up, they were gonna be alright. Sam was branching out finally, now he’d started something up with Rowena he’d stop being so possessive. And then, in a couple of hours, they’d go into the other dimension and rescue Mary and Jack, and the Winchesters could be one big happy family.

Maybe he’d finally be treated to the Winchesters _without_ the dark, gloomy clouds that always hung over them. Maybe Sam would smile just _because_ once in a while.


	5. You Ask When You're Alone, 'What Is Love?'

By the time they all made it back to the base camp in the other dimension, Sam was still thanking his lucky stars that Gabriel had made it away from the angels when he’d scouted ahead. If everything else wasn’t enough, he knew he was really rounding the bend of crazy for all the times he’d thanked _Lucifer_ in his head for vaporising the lot of them. He never thought he’d thank Lucifer for _anything_ after his time in the cage with him, but here he was.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked Gabriel again, following him across the camp into the empty car lot.

“Yes, Sam. Can you focus on your mother or something? For dad’s sake, worry about Rowena or Charlie or literally _anything_ besides me.”

“Sorry for giving a shit.”

Gabriel sighed and stopped walking, turning back to face him. “It’s more than just regular ‘being worried’ and you damn well know it.”

“Well not everyone can be _you_. You didn’t even give a shit when the vamps got me.”

Gabriel’s jaw clenched. “Fuck you. You think I didn’t _care?_ Of course I fucking cared! I love you, and I sure as hell don’t want you dead, but that’s never going to be enough for you, is it? Because you’ve apparently lost the ability to care about things a normal, healthy amount. It’s not my fault that you just can’t deal with the fact that my life doesn’t fucking revolve around you the way yours has seemed to revolve around me since I came back! I’d hoped you starting something up with Rowena would mean you’d back off a bit, but apparently not, because—” 

"I'm in love with _you_ , you fucking idiot!" Sam interrupted. "I don't give a _fuck_ about her. I just wanted…" his voice dropped to a whisper. "I wanted to touch her where you did, I wanted to feel any trace of you that might be left — I just want _you_ Gabriel. Only you — any part of you, any way I can have it."

"Sam…" Gabriel's eyes were wide. "This—"

"I just want you to _myself_ , I would do that for you! It can't be that fucking hard for you to do!"

"Sam, stop it," Gabriel snapped. "I don't know what you want me to tell you!" He put his hand up to stop Sam from speaking. "No, actually I know what you _want_ me to say. I don't know what to _truthfully_ say.

"This is what I fucking mean by your life revolving around me. This wasn't our agreement! I was _very_ clear from the beginning that if we were going to see each other, I wasn't going to stop seeing other people as well! I've asked again and again and _again_ if that was still okay with you, and every time you've lied. I should have never agreed to this — I knew going in that it was a bad idea, that you weren't really comfortable with this, but I ignored that and look where it's gotten us!

"I’m always going to be polyamorous, I'm not going to try and change that just because _you're_ not! We aren't a match, Sam! This can't work! I'm not willing to sacrifice a part of myself and my happiness, and you apparently cannot be happy in an open relationship! You've become obsessive and possessive, and it's not good for either of us!

"Why are you pushing so hard to make this work? It's been broken since before it even started! I like you, okay? I enjoy your company, but this was a bad idea. The best parts of our relationship relied on you asking me to _lie_ to you about how I felt! That's insane, Sam, and I should've put my foot down in the beginning. This could never be healthy!"

"What— are you fucking _leaving?_ " Sam asked.

" _Yes_ , Sam! Yes I'm fucking leaving, and I should've left earlier, or better yet never started this in the first place!"

"Gabe, please. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that, but—"

"No, Sam! This is fucked up and it's only hurting you worse every time I decide to stay! This," he gestured between the two of them, "cannot continue. You've got to let it go and stop obsessing."

He turned and headed back toward the middle of the camp.

"Gabe, please, I'm in love with you — I meant that when I said it."

"No you're _not!_ " He yelled, whirling back to face him. "You’re in love with an idea of me that doesn’t exist! You’re in love with a nonexistent version of me that hinges entirely on you lying to yourself and begging _me_ to lie to you too!" 

He strode away before Sam could respond.


	6. With A Broken Neck Lies My Broken Gift (Love's Like Suicide)

“Go. I can buy some time.” Gabriel glanced over to him, and Sam’s heart shot into his throat.

He was going to fucking _sacrifice himself?_ Again? How was Sam supposed to deal with that? He’d thought losing his relationship with Gabriel was bad enough, but he couldn’t _actually_ lose him. Not again — he couldn’t handle it.

“Gabriel, don’t!”

Gabriel glanced between him and Michael.

“All I did on Earth was run. I’m not running anymore.”

Sam felt his breathing speed, and he stuttered wordlessly. All he could do was watch as his already battered heart was about to be shredded to fucking pieces.

“Go!” Gabriel shouted, turning back to him one last time.

Dean grabbed his shoulder and took a couple steps toward the portal, but Sam stopped again, turning back to watch as they unsheathed their blades.

When Michael finally stabbed Gabriel and he screamed, his Grace shooting out of his eyes and mouth, Sam felt as if he was dying too.

“Gabriel!” Dean shouted. But it was useless, he was already dying, dying...dead. Michael smiled as he looked up at the last of Gabriel’s Grace shooting into the sky.

Sam glanced over to the portal, which was beginning to shut. Fuck.

“Go!” He pushed Dean toward it. “ _Go!_ ”

Dean leapt through. Sam paused. He couldn’t just leave him. He _had_ to. But he couldn’t.

He glanced back again as Micheal dropped Gabriel’s empty vessel to the ground. He was _gone_. Utterly and completely gone. For real this time.

Lucifer stumbled to his feet and started toward the portal, and Sam felt rage fill him. If he had just been _enough_ , if _he_ had killed Michael, if _he_ had died, maybe, just maybe, Gabriel could have been spared.

Sam bared his teeth, pushing Lucifer back, grabbing the front of his shirt in a tightly clenched fist.

“Sam, what are you doing man? I’m hurt!” Lucifer tried the hurt puppy eyes on him, but Sam felt utterly ruthless. “Please!”

“ _How did you think this was gonna end?_ ” he snarled, pushing him to the ground.

He glanced over once more to Gabriel’s lifeless corpse. Michael started toward him. He turned and lunged toward the portal, letting it close behind him.

Michael, Lucifer, and Gabriel’s vessel were trapped. It should have felt like a success. It felt like cutting out his heart.

* * *

  
The relief in the room once the portal closed was palpable, and the celebration was loud. Maybe it hadn’t been a complete 100% success, but it had certainly been a big one.

Sam stood off in the corner, nursing his beer quietly, and flashing a fake smile at anyone who came over to him. Dean shook his head and made his way over through the crowd of hunters.

“Hey.”

Sam nodded in acknowledgement, but didn’t bother with the fake smile. He knew Dean would know it was fake anyway.

“How, um,” Dean cleared his throat. “How’re you holding up?”

“Fine,” Sam replied, but it came out quieter than he intended.

“I don’t think anybody would have a problem if you wanted to go upstairs early, you know.” His boyfriend had just been murdered. _Again_. If _that_ wasn't an excuse to leave a party, Dean didn't know what _was_.

Sam nodded vacantly. “I think in a few minutes I’ll head up.”

They stood in silence for a few moments.

“It’s gonna be okay, you know. We’ve got Mom and Jack back. Michael and Lucifer aren’t here.”

“Yeah,” Sam agreed weakly. He downed the rest of his beer, set the empty bottle on a table for someone else to take care of, and walked away.

Dean stared after him as he disappeared up the stairs, and shook his head sadly. He took a deep breath, plastered on a fake smile of his own, and went to find Mary.


End file.
